I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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