I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
birth control should be required to get into college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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