you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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