i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
