I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
