I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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