i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
