My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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