i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
