Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
