holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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