Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
