And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
