plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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