Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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