The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
