it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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