Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
