alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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