So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
