I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
