did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
