Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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