im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We left an ass print on the piano.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
