New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
