Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
