there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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