If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
