I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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