I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
