If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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