new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
