i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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