dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
