apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like eating out sand paper
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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