I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
