No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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