I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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