what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
