Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
