This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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