32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
