bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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