Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
