Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
