i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
