I feel like I'm in dance class right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
