phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Bring me that man meat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize