the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
