hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
