Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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