Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
