Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
