I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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