i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
