she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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