I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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