this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
