I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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