I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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