Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
