Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
