Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
