I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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